


everyone is leaving, i'm still with you

by sanderdriesen



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, a bit manga spoilers, hanamaki breaks down, matsukawa is just... so in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:35:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26005804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanderdriesen/pseuds/sanderdriesen
Summary: Takahiro has never felt being loved before. So, when Issei uttered those words he finds that it wasn't easy to accept them.
Relationships: Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	everyone is leaving, i'm still with you

**Author's Note:**

> title is from young folks by peter bjorn and john

Takahiro has always been alone. His parents never paid much attention to him. He never celebrated his birthdays even as a kid. Though, his mother would give him some money to buy himself an ice cream in a _conbini_ just across their apartment, but after that she'll leave him with just an unenthusiastic 'happy birthday' and a pat on the head.

In school, he didn't have friends beside one boy who's named Chihiro, they got along because both of their names are similar and they always call each other 'Hiro', but as time passed Chihiro found real friends and eventually stopped hanging out with him. His parents never attended any of his school events nor did they dropped him off at school like how other kids are with their parents Takahiro sees, he's always been riding the bus with their neighbor, a young lady who works in the same destination as his school.

During middle school, Takahiro thinks that something might be wrong with him that made his parents hate him. So, in his second year, he quit his club and focused on studying to get better gradesz When he did, his mother only gave him a small smile and gave him money to treat himself, just like his birthdays. But Takahiro wants more than that.

In his first year of high school, his parents got in to a huge fight that led to them divorcing, his father left and live with his new family, while his mother got drunk most nights that threatened her job at risk.

In the middle of his third year, his mother got into an accident that took away her life, he tried calling his father to inform him, or maybe to tell him that he's all by himself now, but his father never accepted his calls.

He left their apartment and moved to a small one that he could afford with his part time job. He started working in his second year when he thinks that he can't always rely on his drunken mother. He settled on the first one he found, he won't be there for long since he's moving to Tokyo for university. He also took his mother's money, there wasn't a lot left, but it was still of help.

His team made it to Nationals and they won, (he started volleyball again in high school) they were all in tears, his teammates' families were cheering as loud as they can in the bleachers, but no one was there for Takahiro, his tears were for something else. Was it really a win when all he felt was lost?

He went to Tokyo and made it into the university he wanted, he got the job in the café that fits his class schedule and close enough to both his small apartment and university.

He also made it into the volleyball club, and that's where he met Matsukawa Issei, the boy that changed his life.

"Hey, I know you," was Matsukawa Issei's first words to him. Their captain had told them —first years— to only watch practice on the first day and get to know each other, there were four of them, but Takahiro didn't remember the names of the other two. He didn't even remember Matsukawa's. He just introduced himself again to Takahiro before talking to him. He and Matsukawa was seating on the same bench. While the other two was on the other one. "Your team was the one that won in the Nationals."

Takahiro nodded, he doesn't really know what to say, he doesn't even know why someone remembers him play volleyball, he wasn't like his teammates that was known all over Miyagi or even the whole Japan for being an outstanding player, but he wasn't bad either.

"Cool. You were the only one with pink hair so I remembered you clearly. And you play great too. " Matsukawa grins. "We also made it but lost in our third game. I can't believe we're on the same team now, bring me to Nationals with you this time, yeah?"

Matsukawa winks and Takahiro's heart stops. He didn't remembered Matsukawa but he doesn't tell him that, he didn't really remember the major parts that happened during that day let alone other players from other teams. So, he just nods again, hoping there isn't a blush on his face.

Takahiro learns that Matsukawa was also from Miyagi —they were the two teams that made it to Nationals— but their teams never played against each other. Matsukawa admits that he doesn't talk much, but seeing Takahiro, he's compelled that they'd eventually get along.

And they did, they hang out at each other's places —but mostly Takahiro's because Matsukawa lives with two other people— after practice, they have three classes together and they talk so much the professors threatens to kick them out, Matsukawa visits him in the café he's working at and most of the time Matsukawa stays for the night because _'my roommate is graduating and he's really busy that I think he sleeps in the libarary while the other one is always at his girlfriend's and I don't really want to be alone, hence why I opted for having roommates.'_

Takahiro laughs and tells him, "Isn't that last one goes the same for you?" but he realized what he said and excused himself to the bathroom but he still catches that wicked grin on Matsukawa's face.

Matsukawa invites him to a club one night, he's only drink canned beers he bought from a _conbini_ and it only makes him a bit tipsy, never drunk. He doesn't like drinking after what happened with his mother. But when Matsukawa intorduces him to different kinds of alchohol, he still tried them all. He knows he can trust him.

He doesn't remember much last night, when Takahiro woke up, he's naked and the only thing that's covering his aching body was the thin sheets of someone's bed.

Bewildered, he look to his left and his eyes went wide, There, on the same very bed with him, also very naked was Matsuka Issei himself. Takahiro curses and jolts from the bed, he curses again, when he felt like his head was being ripped open. He waits until his head cools down a little bit before grabbing his clothes and enters the bathroom. He ponders for a moment, he realizes that they are in a cheap hotel, probably not far from the club they were in last night, he looks at his reflection on the mirror, his chest were covered in purple marks, his lips are still a bit swollen and his ass hurts just like his head. He tears his eyes away and washes his face. Before he left the room, he admires Matsukawa who was still sleeping soundly on the bed, he leaves without waking him up.

Sure, that was his first time, and he doesn't regret it with Matsukawa, he's taken a liking on the curly haired boy after months of spending time with him, he admits that he's liked couple of girls back in high school, but his admiration with Matsukawa was very much different from those girls, maybe he only likes them to prove himself that he's just like his other teammates and classmates. The only thing he regrets is that they were both drunk and they both don't remember it, he only hopes that he wasn't being clingy that made Matsukawa gave in, he hopes that Matsukawa also wanted it despite being in a drunken state.

He gets back to his apartment with his head not easing even a bit, he texts his manager that he won't be able to go to work and lets himself get more rest after taking a medicine.

He wakes up to the sound of knocks on his front door, he hastily gets up, and makes his way to the door. What he should've think about before opening it is that there's only one person that knows where he lives. Not that he's going to avoid Matsukawa, he just couldn't face him right now.

"Hey." Matsukawa's voice is raspy and he looks sad —or if Takahiro's eyes aren't tricking him— "Why did you left without me earlier?"

Takahiro finds an excuse and tells him that he got an urgent call from work, but Matsukawa definitely didn't believe him. He didn't tell him it's because I can't face you after what happened because _I like you so much, but I just did a very big mistake that our friendship might be over,_ though.

Takahiro remains silent, his hand still on the door knob while the other was playing with the loose strings in the hem of his sweatshirt, Matsukawa's hands are on his jacket pockets. "It's fine, though. I just want you to know that I didn't regret anything, and that I didn't think it was a just a mistake either, and that i want more, not just sex, obviously," he lets out a shaky breath, looking down on the floor and anything but Takahiro before continuing, "Because I like you, Hanamaki."

"Y-you like me?" Takahiro stutters, dumbfounded.

"Yes, but it's okay if you don't, you probably hate me for last night and I'm sorry-"

"No." Takahiro cuts him off. "I- I liked it. And I like you, too." Matsukawa head turns his head up so fast that Takahiro thinks he's gotten dizzy from it, his eyes are wide and his face is red.

"Can I come in? I think I need to sit down for a moment."

"Sure." Takahiro grins.

A lot of time has passed. Takahiro and Issei gets to know each other more, Takahiro opens up to him, how his parents pretty much ignored him his whole life despite living on the same roof with them, he tells him that he never really had any real friends. He tells him about his mother and and how his father never cared. That same night Issei stays the night again and engulfs Takahiro in a hug until he fell asleep.

The next day on the their way to Takahiro's aprtment from his work, (Issei declared that he would pick him up whenever he can.) Issei told him that he'd introduced him to his best friends, (he was a bit jealous of the word 'best friends' but it's okay as long as he got Matsukawa Issei with him, he's fine.) but he never particularly told him when. So, when Takahiro was reading a light novel (that's actually Issei's.) on his side ofthe bed —Issei always claims the left side, leaving Takahiro to the right, he's not complaining, it's just funny to him that Issei gets to decide when it wasn't even his bed— he hears voices coming from Issei's laptop that was perched on his lap.

"Yo, Iwa, Oikawa." Takahiro looks up from his book and to Issei, who was still looking at his laptop. There were words thrown back at Issei that doesn't sound like a greeting at all. _"Why'd you call so early in the morning?"_ and _"Timezones, Iwa-chan."_. But Issei ignored their comments and said, "Guys, are you ready to meet the perfect guy ever?" Takahiro chokes (literally) on the compliment. _Oh, so this is the time where I meet his friends, I thought it would be in real life, but this is fine, I guess._ He thinks.

There were a sudden responses of _"Yes."_ And _"Fucking finally."_ And before Takahiro could think again Issei pulls him by the shoulders with his arm and Takahiro was clearly on sight of the other two, but he quickly hides his face with his book.

"Dude, what the fuck? I'm not ready." He whispers.

"Don't worry, they're no harm." Issei assures, giving him a smile before taking the book away from his hands and face. Takahiro looks away where his whole face isn't directed to the screen. And thank god it wasn't that bright in the room or his insecurities would be through the roof of this ten floor building.

_"Hey, Makki!"_ That caught Takahiro's attention. He looks at the screen to guess who it was, and there, a brunette guy waving at him. He looks away again to face Issei. Confused. "Oh, yeah I've told them your name, I just didn't expect Oikawa to give you a nickname." He smiles sheepishly.

_"Yeah, don't mind him, we can continue on this video call without talking to him."_ The black haired guy says. And Oikawa immediately whines.

_"Iwa-chan, you're so mean!"_ Issei laughs. He must be used to it. Takahiro thinks. _"But is it okay if I call you 'Makki'? Well, not that you can stop me anyway."_

Takahiro nods and gave him a small smile. Oikawa beams. _"We're best friends now!"_

Takahiro sees Iwaizumi rolling his eyes. _"Stop being a child."_ And Oikawa whines again.

Issei laughs and explains the situation to him. "This guy, Iwaizumi, is in California," he says pointing to Iwaizumi, "he's taking sports science, i don't get why he has to fucking fled to California for that but no one can stop him either way. And this guy, right here," he says pointing to Oikawa. "Is in Argentina playing volleyball. So yeah, they left me here in Japan, by myself."

_"Hey, atleast you've got someone with you, it's been almost a year and I'm still fucking adjusting."_ Iwazumi grunts.

_"Yeah, same here, but I'm only coming back when I'm sure that I can beat you all in volleyball."_ Oikawa grins.

_"Oh, so you're not coming back."_

_"I hate you, Iwa-chan."_

They talk some more, Takahiro was blushing because of how much Issei's friends already knows so much about him. Oikawa talks a lot and Iwaizumi cuts him off a lot. It wasn't long until Takahiro gets on with Issei and Iwaizumi about making fun of Oikawa.

After that, they made a lot of video calls, Takahiro was always included even when he doesn't know what they're talking about, but Issei always explains it to him. Sometimes, Iwaizumi and Oikawa, too.

He's gotten comfortable with them and cracks jokes just like Issei does. He's never done it before, telling jokes to someone or making them smile or laugh. He was always closed off and had no one to talk to that he just discovered some things he actually can.

Everything has been going right in Takahiro's life when he met Issei, and he's thankful for his presence everytime, it's like he didn't went through hard times for the past eighteen years in his life. His father never reached out to him in his whole year in Tokyo or even before in Miyagi after their divorce, not that he cares though. He had long accepted it that his father might be just as dead in his life as his mother. His job has been paying him well, and his small apartment that wasn't lively when he moved in is now always filled with Issei's laughter.

But still, Takahiro can't help but feel insecure and he always thinks that he's holding back Issei on what he actually wants. So, when one night he and Issei were in bed, Issei says something that Takahiro was unable to believe.

"Hiro," Issei breathes, he's hovering over Takahiro on his bed, his knees on the other side of Takahiro's thighs, one hand on the pillow beside Takahiro's head and other other caressing his cheek. He was so close that Takahiro can feel his breaths fanning over his face and their noses almost touching. "I love you."

Takahiro's breathing stops, his eyes wide. Issei stays still, waiting for him to say something, anything. He puts his hands on Issei's bare shoulders and pushes him off of him, he sits down on the edge of the bed, his feet on the floor and his back turned to Issei. "You don't..."

He sighs and rests his elbows on his knees, gripping his hair. "You can't possibly love someone like me." He whispers.

He and Issei– he doesn't know what to call them, they've confessed to each other and they've been going out for many months now, maybe they are boyfriends, but they never told or called each other that. Issei has introduced him to his friends, and he's always been telling Takahiro that he should come home with him every holidays after he knew Takahiro doesn't have a family anymore. He knows Takahiro from inside and out. He knows the lonely strawberry haired boy more than he knows himself.

But liking is different from love. Issei has always been telling him how much he likes him every chance he gets. But, this is the first time Issei has told him he loves him. _I love you._ Takahiro has never heard those words directed to him.

Takahiro has never felt being loved before. So, when Issei uttered those words, he finds that it wasn't easy to accept them.

Takahiro does feel the same, he's always loved people close to him even when no one loves him back, he used to love his father even when he was rarely home when he was a kid, he loved his mother despite her not being in his life just like his father. So, when he loves Issei, he never expects him to return it, he'd never admit it either because he knows how it goes, no one was able to love him.

It was so easy for him to love someone that it's hard for him to believe that after living for nineteen years, he's finally heard it from someone else.

He always think that Issei will come to his senses and leave him, just like his father, just like his mother and just like his first friend from many years ago. Not even the young lady who was so fond of him when he was still a kid that she takes him for snacks when they go back home at the same time. Because no one ever stays and no one ever loves him. But he loved Issei first that he can't let him go.

"I do," Issei spoke, Takahiro can feel his warmth again and then he was being pushed onto the bed again. "Why don't you believe me?"

"Because no one is able to fucking love me!" He hides his face in his arm, his tears stinging his eyes. "It was nice hearing you say you like me." Takahiro's voice was wavering and he can't speak properly without hiccuping, "But, you can't say that. No one ever tells me that they love me, not my mother, not my father. No one. So, you don't fucking know what you're talking about, Matsukawa." He sniffles. He can't stop his tears anymore so he lets them out.

"But I love you, Hiro. I'm different from them." Takahiro didn't respond and he just cries. "I'll never treat you like how they treat you. You're important to me."

"Stop," He croaks. "Just, fuck- stop." He gets up from the bed and grabs his shirt from the floor and putting them on. "Don't follow me." He left the room without looking back.

To his luck, no one was in the living room to see him become a mess, he quickly puts on his shoes. Shivering when he made it into the main door of the apartment complex, he forgot to grab his coat in the living room and it was really cold.

It was late, almost midnight, the streets are dark and people-less, Takahiro sits on a bench in the park near Issei's place. They always go to this park, either playing volleyball with other people or just having fun by the swings.

"Fuck," He whispers to himself. "Why do I have to be this fucked up?"

He made it into his apartment around two in the morning, and passed out on the couch from crying so much. When he wakes up, he washes his face on the sink and makes himself a hot chocolate. There's an email on his phone from his professor saying that their class is cancelled today. He sighs and locks his phone, he only have one class and his work doesn't start until one. He went back into the living room and grabs his laptop to watch something amusing. (He doesn't have a TV. who needs it when you're a broke college kid? And when you only spend like half of the day in your home? And when you don't actually spends you're day watching TV at all?)

He's watched like twelve episodes of _What Would You Do?_ On Youtube (it's not completely 'amusing' but he settles with it when its the first one he saw on his recommendation.) and his hot chocolate long finished when there's a knock on the door. He almost gets up but he remembers who it would be. He lowers the volume making sure it won't be heard and completely ignored the knocks.

"Hanamaki, I know you're in there." Matsukawa's voice was muffled, Takahiro didn't budge. A minute later he hears the door opening and he jolts from his seat. He doesn't remember giving Matsukawa a key.

"Hey." Issei greets. Hesitant to look at him.

"Why are you here? And how did you get in?"

"I used a card." He says waving it before putting it on his pocket. "Class was cancelled."

Right, he completely forgot he share that class with Issei. "Please, leave." He says before sitting down again, hitting the space bar to resume the video, but he's actually thinking about getting another lock for his door.

"No." Issei responded sitting on the floor across from him. "Tell me why you won't believe me."

"There's nothing to tell," Takahiro rolls his eyes. Though, lowering the volume more until it wasn't disturbing their talk. "You're only saying that because you feel pity of me. Well, guess what, I don't actually care." He's watching the video but he can't tell what's actually going on.

Issei abruptly stands up and he walks over to Takahiro, closing his laptop and placing it on the small coffee table. He pushes Takahiro back into the couch on both shoulders. "I told you, I'm not like them. And I'm not pitying or whatever, I'm telling you what I fucking feel."

Issei was so close that Takahiro can see his eyes become glassy, there's a glint of sadness in them. "I've never loved someone like this before..." he trails, his voice cracking. There are tears in his eyes and Takahiro feels guilty. "I don't expect you to say it back or to even feel the same way, but let me love you atleast. I'll never leave you, Hiro. I promise you that."

"Oh, fuck off dude." Takahiro says standing up and squeezing him in a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I just never knew what being love feels like for my whole goddamn life." He cries onto Issei's shoulder. "And I never think even you would do that."

Issei squeezes him back. "You should've just listened to me. I never lie to you, you know?"

Issei laughs and Takahiro does the same. "As much as I love you though, stop snotting all over my jacket, I still have to go to school in an hour."

"I'll lend you a new one." Takahiro pulls away, wiping his face with the inside of his shirt.

"As much as I'd like to wear my boyfriend's clothes like how girls go crazy about, no thanks, your fashion sense suck." Issei snickers, but stops when Takahiro didn't say anything. "What? Are you actually offended? You probably are, I just told you I never lie to you so sor-"

"It's the first time I heard you say I'm your boyfriend." He cuts him off.

"O-oh," Issei blushes. "You never called me your boyfriend either." He mumbles, scratching his neck.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"I'll let you love me." Takahiro grins, kissing him.

Later that night, Takahiro lays his head on Issei's chest, listening to his heartbeat. "I love you, too." He says, a little muffled. He's not sure if Issei was awake, or if he heard either, but when he hears Issei release a breath and he can feel a smile burried in his hair, it was enough for him to fall asleep to and dream of a new endless beginning with Matsukawa Issei.

**Author's Note:**

> i do not know what kinda mess was that but thanks for reading!!


End file.
